'Tis the season for fall sports – where parents spend more time on sports or driving games than they spend home. In the game, parents encourage the enthusiasm of your child and discuss the training team home game. While most parents have good intentions, unwittingly, may discourage children and promote unhealthy competition, if not choose their words carefully.
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First, let's define the difference between "healthy" and "Healthy Competition:
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Healthy competition is focused on doing my best fun and learning skills. It promotes teamwork and positive participation. Those who donate great efforts and try to improve in general in advance. If learning or improvement is the goal, the children end always learn from him. If they win is the icing on the cake.
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Unhealthy competition focuses on winning, being the best, or be better than others. The pressure to win is more important than the pleasure of playing or learning skills. If children put their best efforts, but "lose", which can still be seen as a failure. Ignore important lessons can be taught to losing, because winning is the goal.
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There are three ways parents tend to promote unhealthy competition:
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"To compete!" Many parents encourage Racing motivate young people in action. "The first arrival wins! "In Generally, the young child loses or lower, discouraging the child alone more. different races to do something quickly without winners. "Come see how toys can be collected before the song is over.
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Comparisons: All comparisons promote unhealthy competition. Negative comparisons, like "I wish you could be more like John," not motivated. They make children feel inferior and are discouraging. Young children generally suffer from another child, even if the child was not involved in the comparison. This would increase competition and rivalry between them.
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Positive comparison is also problematic. When we try to build for abusing children others, to increase the ego of the child, no self-esteem. Children may feel sorry for the child to feel better or worse than the child of a brazen manner. Children may also feel pressure to always be better than others.
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Each several attempts to compare a child, remember this golden rule by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, in his book Siblings without rivalry: All what you say to a child can say, without direct reference to another small child.
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Even when parents do are not comparable between them, children can be compared to the competition for a place in the family or peer group. If a child is good in one area, another child might believe that is taken on and find something else – even if they are interested in this activity!
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When children compare themselves, focus on the feelings of the child, interest or performance, no comparison. For example, if a child said, "as Susan is a good violinist. I'll never be as good as it is," the parent might say: "How is Susan has nothing to do with playing or not. If you want to play the violin, do it! "
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Being a poor model: most parents know that promotes unhealthy competition selfishness and poor sportsmanship. Unfortunately, sportsmanship, in his enthusiasm, a model parent poor to stay away yelling insults at their children and arbitrators. These parents are teaching their children to make excuses or blame others for their mistakes. They are also a source of embarrassment to your children and irritation to other parents who want to be encouraging.
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If you yell at a game that is encouraging: "Bravo!" "Nice Kick!" "Keep it up!" If you see something that needs to improve and can not be silent, tell children what to do in a positive way, "Stretch!" "Let's work together!" Center of it! "
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After an event, limiting his comments to the description of how the child or team did well, made an effort, or improved. Do not focus only on the score or result. If children bring the present to recognize their feelings and comments on their effort or improvement.
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In the long run, families that focus on increasing competition usually the differences and resentments between family members. Families that encourage best efforts, focus on improving skills and do their best are usually children who have more trust and cooperation with others.
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